My 2 weeks off are ending!

Soon, Its been about 2 weeks of vacation & about 2 weeks in a daze. Thanks to some herbal enhancements I've had an appetite of a some animal that eats lots!!! Luckily for my body my vacation is ending and I can't afford anymore herbal aroma therapy. Its been a struggle and I really feel weighed down in all aspects of my life from my diet over the past couple weeks. My diet has consisted at about 20 raw and about 90% vegan. I really have been letting things slip by my mouth with ease and not really caring. Of course I care afterward, right about now, when i feel like a paper weight. With this next week in sight I motivated again to get back into healthy eating. I'm not looking to it as a rescue plan but more like a gift which my body needs. It will help me with my new fall budget. Fall tends to be more pricey. Like I mentioned in my previous post, coming this winter I will be moving out on my own. I'm pretty excited on living on my own. Its about time that I had a place I can call my own. Its going to be very simple.. I'm going to have about 2 plates, 2 bowls, 2 cups, and my clothing & mattress. I began thinking the other day; 'Why do people own so many clothes??!!', Including myself?!? When I transition into my new place this winter I'm going to cut my clothing down in half.. If I haven't worn it in 2 weeks its GONE! No matter how amazing it looks, what store I may eventually have or what music video it should be in. GONE.. If you have been following me from blog to vlog to blog then you'll notice that there was a point in time where materialistic things didn't mean as much to me. They still don't but I let myself get off track with spending and materialist and fashion. fashion is the devil, or at least one of its many arms.! Its like a drug as it makes me feel emotionally high and strong when i walk around in a new outfit.. This disturbs me as I'm trying to be someone who can find that same feeling of confidence and joy just from opening my eyes in the morning. I haven't been trying very hard I might add, but its my intention, I SWEAR! ..

Music: Zion I - Elevation

So I think I'm going to start a song of the week, or whenever I find a song that really inspires me and makes me feel something i'll share it. Right now I just came across this Drum & Bass style song. The beat reminds me of my youth, a summer day and cracks in the sidewalk. Zion I is an underground rapper. Unless he starts rapping about the devil, hoes, drugs, sex, and the club the masses will probably never hear his voice. He isn't on the top 40 charts for that reason, because he is sharing a positive message. The album this came from is all very good, in fact anything i've herd that he is on i'm in love with. :)

What is this blog for.

This is also another good question. I been thinking about my failed attempts at keeping a consistently updated blog. I do spend a lot of time at home on the computer so I often have day dreams where my blogs are providing me with funds. I realize that to reach these kinds of levels with an online venture requires work, work and more work. I don't really care If people read or don't read the blogs but if I want to reach a level where i'm making 20-40 bucks a month by sharing my interests and original content then I need some guidelines. I ask myself what do I want to share, what are my interests and what is the best way to share my interests? I want to create a profit by sharing something that I feel good about but I don't want the profit to be the motivator. I lack focus, but feel that I can bring a new will and sense of direction out from within. I need to get the ball rolling and why not by just sharing myself as I am with this blog post. I don't care if its jumbled or saturated in run on sentences. I just realize that I need to blog.. and blog and blog.. and then blog more.

What have I been doing?

Good question. It is kind of something I been asking myself a lot recently. Its been a while since I have posted and the last few food journal posts we not too inspiring when it comes to healthy eating. I been struggling with food for a little bit recently and its frustrating because I dove into the raw food world with little splash. It really was the perfect dive. After about two weeks of eating raw I got into juicing. As summer was beginning to pull out some scorching hot days, my meals consisted mostly of juiced greens with fruit added in for taste. It was really pumping me up full of great energy. As soon as some clouds materialized across the sky the summer nights quickly changed, and reminded me of fall. The rainy cool weather brought an essence. Fall now seems only days away and now most moments have familiar mood, a mood of change. The last few days have reminded me of the days where every night is a soup night. Since the change in weather a few weeks ago I been struggling with a 100% raw food diet. I tell myself that I do have the will power and mind set to not stray away from raw foods but I often find myself battling addictions and food cravings. If its in the house its hard for it to not haunt you. Needless to say I've replaced my roommates noodles she has, had stashed in the back of the cupboard, about two times now. My roommate is an angel. She took me in when I was in a complicated space. I have been staying here for almost a year now but I feel my time is up. Early next year at the latest I will be in my own place as she is expecting another family member around that time. I quickly started treading water after diving into the raw food lifestyle but found myself battling the waves in the deep end. The struggles seem to urge me to think of time for myself which I so happen to be celebrating right now. This is the first week of a two week paid vacation. I am going to use this time for play, doing things I enjoy doing even if the things I enjoy doing involve just a couch, pillow and my laptop. I'm going to just wander the next few days without making many plans because I been feeling to planned. In a repetitive daily pattern where the scenery which use to excite me no longer catches my interests.

HEY? whats going on here?

Sorry everyone for the lack of content... bas you can read from my last few diet journals that i been struggling. but i'm b ack on course and getting my motivation back.. so i will be a blink of an eye and this page will be blooming with content.. xoxo

Diet Journal July 11th

Today was a better day then yesteday but far from my ideal, i can no longer try to be a raw vegan, i need to just be it, I AM IT and starting now my daily eating will not be anything like todays but here is the rundown..

PS: due to the junk food i have had in the last couple days i really felt pretty depressed and frustrated, it really shows that what u eat can effect your mood as i havent felt like this in months and months and months,,, i also have had junk food in months and months or months!

anyways,,, this morning started of well except i was half there, i started juicing the rest of my lemons and vegetable scraps i saved to juice but for some reason i was a retard this morning and didn't put the cup part under the juicer so the juice went everywhere,, i blame it on the junk food,, i then cleaned that up and just had water instead of my usual lemon juice water.. at work i had the rest of my organic melon and then end of what i had for my pasta dish that i mentioned in the last few days. i then i brewed a massive pot of coffee because i haven't found anything that give me the equal energy as coffee does although as i continue to research, coffee is something i plan to eliminate. i just really like the boost it gives me, after lunch and on my last break i had 2 bags of chips from the vending machine as i was hungry and didn't have anymore food,, at home late at night i fried up a can of beans with some spices and had it on toast, it made me feel really grose and sick actually.. almost pukey which hasnt happened in a long time... my body isnt use to all these cooked foods.. why am i doing this? i need to plan my meals better so i have something healthy and raw available to snack on, i wouldn't mind having a handful of bean sprouts with some nuts or something. and that was my meals for the day...

Diet Journal July 10th

This morning i've had a juiced grapefruit and lemon

My god,,, this is a horror story which i shouldn't even share...

after the nice start to the day i proceeded to work and then ate about 1/5 a melon for my first break.. all was dandy,, 1 brought two small portions of my pasta salad i made from last night (see Diet Journal July 9th) for lunch, at lunch i ate one and was going to save the other for tomorrows lunch,, but then i ate it. still being hungry i decided to splurge as i been eating well for a while, i had some cooked roasted potatoes, but it didn't end there.. the horror! THE HORROR! i dont know what came over me but i ate 3 oh henry bars? where did that come from.. i haven't had dairy in forever, i blame it on....... myself... but its the past and its slowly on its way out. i wont feel bad about it. the horror story didn't end there tho as i purchased 4 bags of chips from the vending machine? omg i know.. its like its not even me writing and someone hacked my blog.... i shouldn't even post this. vital vegan? what the hell kinda vegan eats an oh henry and ketchup chips? today was the first dairy i've had since like... winter.. but i guess its significant as i try to get fully into this raw lifestyle, i had a major relapse and i think it is most to do with the fast i tried to complete. after eating raw for a few weeks iw as like" i got this raw shit down! and i totally though ti did, so i did a 5 day water fast which went fairly well as half way i had 3 apples within a few hours.. i was pressing for a whole week. a 7 day fast but at the end of day 5 i couldn't help it,, i juiced and then ate a few pistachios and those amazing pistachios that tasted like jesus were the best thing i even had in my life, the fast left my jaw unused for a long time so chewing actually was difficult, i noticed a huge difference like when u dont use a muscle for a long time.. it was weird.. anyways needless to say today is over and this is the diet journal from hell which is going to go down in my books as exactly what i dont want to do ever again,,, in the future when i fast and plan to i will try a week juice fast instead of doing straight to water as i dont want to relapse badly like i did today. as i try to push into this raw field i think it will be some time before i'm completely 100 raw vegan, it is my goal